rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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