I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
