so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize