The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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