i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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