I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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