Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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