There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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