Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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