Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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