Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
