We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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