He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize