I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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