i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
