i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
