I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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