walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
