So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
