I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize