i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
