Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize