Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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