I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
