Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
