Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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