been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
