i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
