So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
