I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish you could order shots online.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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