She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
