i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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