So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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