Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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