normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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