I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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