We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
