Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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