no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
