Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
