allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
