At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
