I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
