The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
