Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
