your room smells of hookers.
And success
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
