the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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