who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
