Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
