Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
