talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
