I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
