Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize