I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
