Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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