no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
