So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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