just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
