I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
