it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
