Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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