The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize