I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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