Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
