woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
