I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
