i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
