I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
