4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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