last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
