So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
